Tag Archives: healing

Racism, Hatred, Trauma, & the Mind

Interesting thing is: I’m half German. My mom is from Kiel, Germany. She has blonde hair & blue eyes, & is the definition of unconditional love for me. She loved/loves me so much, there was no way I couldn’t fully take on & see how powerful Unconditional Love is. For me it is the ultimate truth. But as a young child, I wasn’t thinking of that sort of thing. All I saw & knew, was what I was learning from people, all people — what I heard them say, what I saw them do. I soon began to see that I had a light brown face, with dark eyes, & dark coarse hair, & I was an outsider. I remember being in school & seeing racist events take place. I remember reading books about the heinous acts that white people committed — I saw it on the evening news as well. There was even racism in my own family, not only on the white side, but on the brown side as well. (Lots of brown people hate themselves, & that leads to hating the ones that look just like them.)

All of this caused so much pain & suffering for me. I was basing my life, my choices, & my development on it. All of it was real, & all of it was painful. And all of it is still here. But I am at the point now where I see it as a story. A story that doesn’t exist — just like the past doesn’t exist.

This week a car crashed into another car, right in front of my apartment building. After impact, one of the cars accidentally jumped over the curb onto the sidewalk & nearly drove straight into my building. I was in the bathroom when this happened. But just the sound of the car crash alone sent me into a traumatic state. It shook every cell in my body for a split second. I felt death, I felt terror, I felt suffering, I felt fear. And this was triggered only by a sound! Remember, I couldn’t see anything because I was in a closed room. The reason that a simple sound can send me into a state of panic like that is because I experienced it in the past — I lived it. I was in a serious car crash, so I know first hand what that sound is, & I know how it feels. But the truth is: it happened 15 years ago, yet I still live a tiny part of it everyday, & on some days, like when I heard that sound, I re-live all of it.

It’s like that vinyl record I mentioned in a previous blog post, you can’t help but to play a tune that has been etched in your soul. The good news is: at this point, I see that there is a way to change that. It can be changed, with Awareness. If I just notice — notice that the song, or the story, or the past is playing. If I can catch it & say: “Ah, I know this tune! It’s just notes. All it is, is notes.” If I do that, I can play another tune, or I can enjoy the silence & love what is in THIS MOMENT. What is present now. How it feels to be alive now. How it feels to love now. How it feels to be grateful for what is happening in the present, right now. — What a difference that is! Don’t you think?!

So I think real healing comes when you can love it all. When you can say: “Oh, I’m thinking something that isn’t true”, or “I’m feeling feelings that are based on my thoughts”, or “I’m in the past (or future) & not in the present, for what it is now” — & then effortlessly & gently bring oneself to a place where it feels safe, at peace, & whole.

Healing is a beautiful thing, but you have to think that the process is beautiful too, otherwise, how are you going to get there? Have patience for not only your process, but for everyone’s process. We are all healing. And we are all waking up to the power of Unconditional Love. As well as the power of truly being alive — which can happen only in the present.

The two videos I featured are of the work of Byron Katie. To say that her work is powerful is an understatement. She speaks & gives clarity on every topic that you can imagine.

If you would like to see a short film on the life of Hitaji (the woman in the first video, who later attended Byron Katie’s school as a guest), here is a link to download it: Hitajis-Journey.

To see part 2 & part 3 of the “Fear of War” video from Israel, click here & here.

If you would like to see other videos from Byron Katie on other topics click here or here.

The amazing illustrations are artwork by Michelle Forsyth. Visit her website for more details & a full view of her trauma painting series.

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no words — just love & silence

I have no words for this Sunday’s post. Something tells me that today is about silence: a moment to love & to simply listen.

The same something that tells me not to write, is the same something that tells me to leave you with a few videos from David R. Hawkins.

See you next week.

– Love you.

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Cultivating Grace: Survival of the Most Harmonious

I have been working with a goal group over the years, this year makes year 7 for us. Working with them has kept me on track. It’s so great to have a group of people that you can count on to hold you accountable for what you say month after month, (year after year). I met with them at the beginning of this year & this afternoon I emailed them the year I envision for myself. I don’t really write out yearly goals anymore (I did in the past), but I do write down what I want to work on. It’s usually feelings & ways of being, and what that might look or sound like. I feel that it is important to get clear with the feelings you want (the intangible) more so then the things you want. I don’t believe that we ever really want things (specific relationships, bodies, homes, etc.), I believe we want how these things will make us feel. So why not get it down to what it really is, it’s a feeling.

As I read through my  2010 ‘Focus List’ (or goal list) for the year, I noticed how much I wanted to feel grace in my life. There where many things written down, but I had really strong feelings about the words ‘cultivate grace’ on my list. My whole body would feel something when I passed over those words. I knew the feeling that I was after when I wrote them down, but I decided to do an internet search to see what information was out there about the meaning of grace.

One of the best sources for the meaning of grace I found on the internet was www.Art of Grace.org. Everything I was feeling & thinking was listed there. After reading over that website I felt so inspired. Life & mystery felt perfect again. I was clear that grace was an important quality to manifest for 2010.

I’m posting a few quotes from the ‘Art of Grace’ website that felt really good for me to read. They are very inline with what I was thinking when I added grace to my Focus List.

“When you are in balance, you are in grace. This balance is dynamic equilibrium rather than a steady state. Often, this balance seems a paradox: joy and sorrow, fear and love, give and take, dark and light, yin and yang. Yet a Heraclitus noted, opposites are necessary for the balance of existence: “All things come into being by conflict of opposites.”

“A person living in grace depends upon no one person or thing, nor do they feel independent from all. Instead, the person living in grace realizes the interdependence of all existence.”

“Grace is awakening to the natural order of the universe. This awakening allows you to understand, appreciate, and accept reality rather than clinging to illusions. Awakening to reality creates cognitive harmony, in which everything makes sense, as opposed to cognitive dissonance, in which conflicting world views collide. Grace is a prolonged “ah-ha” moment. Grace is awakening to the paradox that we can never be fully aware of reality as it is, only as we, with our limited perceptions, can see it. This awakening may initially be perceived with terror, because at first, greater awareness can be disorienting, just as walking into the light can be as blinding as walking into the darkness. Yet expanded awareness inevitably leads to intense gratitude and actions motivated by compassion.”

“Grace is the realization that you are connected (immersed) in perfect relationship with the ultimate source of existence. In unity with the ultimate source, you are able to let love flow through you, allowing for deeper intimacy with others.”

“Like a ballerina, a person has grace if she possesses strength. As a spiritual strength, grace allows a person to realize their convictions, to do the right thing, even when it is difficult to do so. As with muscular strength, strength of spirit comes from practice, stress, good nourishment, and rest. Grace is cultivated by exercising right actions every day, nourishing your spirit, and taking breaks from the travails of life.”

I’m also posting a quote & video from Deepak Chopra.

When the rhythms of our body-mind are in synch with nature’s rhythms, when we are living in harmony with life, we are living in the state of grace. To live in grace is to experience that state of consciousness where things flow effortlessly and our desires are easily fulfilled. Grace is magical, synchronistic, coincidental, joyful. It’s that good-luck factor. But to live in grace we have to allow nature’s intelligence to flow through us without interfering”. ~ Deepak Chopra

[ An extra-extra special thanks goes to Cathy Russell, the creator of http://www.artofgrace.org. Thank you for being a major inspiration for this post & for leading by example. -I’m grateful. ♥ ]

Xo!
A.

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Why walk when you can fly?

you can fly

This blog post was written in September of 2008.

Interesting how I stumbled upon someone I didn’t know existed this week. Her words and face caught my attention in a Bikram yoga studio dressing room. Someone left a magazine face down on the shelf above mine in the dressing room. While undressing I couldn’t take my eyes off of her words or face. She was beautiful, and next to her face read, “Why walk when you can fly?” Her name was Isha. A day later I looked her up on the Internet. Two things happened. I saw a picture of her retreat center in Uruguay. It looks just like the business I dreamt of for myself. I have had visions of seeing myself in a work place, and this one looks very similar. (Except there is a circular reception desk in my dream, and I don’t see that in her pictures.) Her focus is self-love, that is what she teaches. Hmmm, interesting. In a way that is my focus too. (My focus is love and I believe you experience it when you have unconditional love for yourself first, then that reflects on others & everything around you, leading to no separation, only oneness.) I then wanted to see what she was like, how she sounded, what she talks about exactly. I looked her up on YouTube.  After five minutes of hearing her I stated to cry. I felt like someone was articulating my feelings better than I can. This is exactly how I felt when I started to study Vedanta with swamis. It was a moment of clarity and pure joy. My life was never the same after that. I was changed forever. After that moment, I had hope, I wanted to live, I wanted to serve. I had found myself in my own words written down thousands of years ago by seers. They could say what I could only feel. That was in 1999. I feel like that again after hearing Isha speak.

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YOU :)

you_are_loved

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When it Resonates

mother-earthI’ve been reading quite a bit over the last week. Several sources had a paragraph that  really resonated with me. Here are two about physical and spiritual health;

“..Absolutely! I think anything in our life is a reflection of the whole world. I mean if we look at just our body, we are mother earth incarnate. We are made of soil. We are made of water, the rivers, and our blood flow through us. To really understand that, if we heal ourselves and how we live our lives, we heal the planet. And if we heal the planet, we heal ourselves.   ..The earth is ever abundant, ever giving, ever loving; and our bodies are unconditionally very supportive to that kind of healing if we could really learn to honor ourselves, our sacred temple. What a gift that would be. If everybody can do that, we would automatically heal the planet. “Lydia Kindheart

“.. But fasting is not only a question of abstaining from physical food. It is also a question of renouncing certain thoughts and feelings which weigh us down. Instead of always trying to take: to absorb, devour, and accumulate things, we have to learn to give: to give up things and to free ourselves. It is the accumulation of excess baggage that pulls us downwards.”Omraam M. Aivanhov

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What are you holding on to?


There was once a king, who received a gift of two magnificent falcons from Arabia. They were peregrine falcons, the most beautiful birds he had ever seen. He gave the precious birds to his head falconer to be trained. Months passed and one day the head falconer informed the king that though one of the falcons was flying majestically, soaring high in the sky, the other bird had not moved from its branch, since the day it had arrived. The king summoned healers from all the land to tend to the falcon, but no one could make the bird fly. He presented the task to a member of his court, but the next day, the king saw through the palace window that the bird had still not moved from its perch. Having tried everything else, the king thought to himself, “May be I need someone more familiar with the countryside to understand the nature of this problem.” So he cried out to his court, “Go and get a farmer.”

In the morning, the king was thrilled to see the falcon soaring high above the palace gardens. He said to his court, “bring me the doer of this miracle.” The court quickly located the farmer, who came and stood before the king. The king asked him, “How did you make this falcon fly?” With his head bowed, the farmer said to the king, “It was easy, your highness, I simply cut the branch.”

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