There is so much I want to say about the video that I am posting today — but I can’t. I am flying out the door to meet my sister for a camping trip. I’m excited to see her, and I’m also exited to be in nature. Where I live is natural and quiet, but I often like to go deep. I love cool breezes and silent surroundings, and if I can get it on a deeper level, I will go for it.
Back to the video. Don’t let the soft sounding title fool you. The Possibility of Relationship doesn’t have much hook or bait. But I will tell you, if there is EVER a video to watch (rather, listen to) that can change and transform any relationship (even the one to yourself), this is the video to do it. I can’t get enough of it — and it’s over 3 hours long! Each time I view it, I get something new. I hear something I haven’t heard before. I hear it as a piece to the puzzle or an ‘ah-ha’ — I hear it intimately and profoundly.
In the near future I will write a blog post dissecting the video a bit. But for now, acquaint yourself with it. Allow it to marinate for while. The longer the video plays, the more interesting and intriguing it gets.
Being honest and upfront takes practice — at least for me it does. I often have to work at allowing my feelings to be expressed and out in the open — but also, saying (or writing) it in a way that is clear and helpful for other people. This way, everyone benefits. With practice, we both get deeper, stronger, more authentic and more courageous in our lives. It often leads to a greater sense of peace, well-being and lightness. A feeling of being free.
This week I had a few blog readers contact me directly asking for more details on the last two blog posts I wrote. (Like I said, I need practice.) I actually love when readers email me and ask me to explain things further (or better). The request doesn’t bother me at all. I find it very helpful and encouraging. (The same goes for when people email me and notify me of typos I have in my blog posts. I always appreciate it when people do that. Please tell me when you see obvious typos! It’s difficult for me to catch them.)
Okay, two quick things to address. Actually, make that three.
1. What did I mean by “super-powers” in my Andy Kehoe: The Edge of the Unknown blog post?
Instead of super-powers, think along the lines of dormant potential — very dormant. It’s the sort of thing we see someone do and it either inspires us immensely, or turns our world upside down (we stand there scratching our heads in disbelief).
While traveling around the world I saw and experienced first hand things that made me question what is considered factual or normal in the USA. If you are a reader that was thinking black magic and broomsticks as you were reading my blog post in question, I didn’t mean that — unless that inspires you or turns your world upside down. I was thinking more along the lines of a woman that lifts a car to save her trapped baby, or something (less dramatic) that you would not expect from a ‘typical’ human being — simply because you usually don’t see it being done, not because it isn’t possible.
2. Did my If you had 3 more… blog post insinuate that I was unhappy in Oregon or unfulfilled in my work?
This is an excerpt of an email reply I sent to someone regarding a similar question:
“Oregon is great! I really love it! It was a fantastic decision for me. I’m really happy with all that I have here, and I am making friends little by little (since I moved here not knowing anyone). The people are great, the weather is great, the town is gorgeous — I have no complaints! Oregon (and life) is also showing me that I need to be more brave, and follow what scares me and lights me up. I feel some changes coming on (in work and possibly romance), but I’m not sure what they are yet. I know I would like to do something health & food related, but I would need to figure out how to balance it (and start it) between the two shops I have running now. I love my two Etsy shops! And my favorite part of the work is connecting with the customers. But, I feel that jewelry & beads can only reach so many people (and can only be so satisfying or challenging). I feel like I could/should be connecting more and learning more, and having an impact on more lives — this can/could happen if my work was a product or service that more people resonated with. (Most of the people I currently know could care less about beads!) So I’m trying to figure it out and slowly make a transition.”
3. Did I ever see the guy I mentioned in my Romantic Sparks vs. Life Goals blog post again?
No, I never saw him again. I saw his car parked on the street maybe once, or twice at most. I have not bumped into him downtown, nor in the neighborhood. I actually don’t think he is a local, and was probably visiting someone here or working here on a project. The town I live in is pretty small, most of the people I know I see them around. It’s easy to bump into each other and cross paths.
As a side note: I’m not looking for the guy I saw in that blog post! I’ve totally dropped and forgotten about it. (Until someone asks me about it.) I’ve moved on completely.
I want to address the second question again, it was a really good one. It stuck with me this week. It really got me thinking and brainstorming. Over the last few days, I gained a lot of clarity about what I would like to do next and why I’m not gung-ho passionate about what I’ve been doing daily. Both the question and the brainstorming reminded me of a blog post I wrote in 2011 titled, FOCUS on what you love: it’s important. In a nutshell, the blog post is about focusing on what you love, and doing virtually nothing else. It’s about setting your priorities straight and getting super-organized. It encourages you to be very bold and honest in how you choose to spend your time. In that post I wrote that my four priorities are; Blogging, Exercising, Meditating, Studying. Those priorities should be in complete alignment with what I love to do most, which is; Creating, Dancing, Being, Reading. When I wrote that blog post, my priorities and my ‘love to do’s were in complete alignment — totally in sync! But over the last few years my life changed dramatically. With all of the moving and changes I’ve been through since leaving New York City — meditating, dancing, reading and creating dropped off the radar. Not dancing/exercising vigorously is a huge missing for me. So is not taking the time to read or meditate daily, or challenge myself creatively.
This week I started dancing again and it felt amazing. It felt so right! Like someone unlocked a door to a cage. I was no longer holding my breath or breathing shallowly. I was able to open up and fly, spread my wings and let go. I also started to seriously brainstorm my next creative project, getting complete ideas on paper. My plan is to also get on track with a reading and meditation schedule.
As I was thinking of all of the things I love, the things that light me up and set me free — a Sia video came to mind. The song and video expresses the kind of energy I feel that I need to release and stay open to. This energy needs to be released and expressed as an ongoing practice and priority for me. The reason it’s so important, is because sometimes I find myself feeling like I’m in a box, and I wonder how I got there. Often it takes a weekly or daily practice to keep myself out of that box. I know I’m not alone in this. We all want to get out of the assimilation factory line that our society often prefers we stay in. (We’ve been trained since infancy to think we need and should be living within certain stifling concepts.) For me, a liberating practice and reminder of my potential, is dancing and blogging, meditating and creating. For you it might be completely different. Whatever it is, I think it’s best we be clear about what lights us up and sets us free — and we need to stay at it. We have to keep the ball rolling and boldly claim our right to be it and do it. It needs to be priority.
Don’t forget what makes you feel whole, don’t forget what makes you come alive. Life is meant to be lived. Bravely, boldly, in an adventurous spirit. You were meant to soar. I was too. Life is best when we can soar together.
This week my sister emailed me a link to a Design Sponge article. It was an interview with a fashion designer. The interviewer asked the designer what they would do if they had 3 more hours in each day (27 hours, instead of the usual 24 hours). I thought it was a great question. It stumped me, I immediately asked myself what I would do with 3 additional hours everyday. I was honest, I was completely straight with myself. I said that I would probably blow it off, and lump it in with the rest of my day. The extra time would more than likely go unnoticed. I was surprised by my answer. It made me think that I was taking all of the hours I have each day for granted, spending them indulgently, allowing them to fly by unnoticed.
The question from the article really made me think, and as a result, two more questions came to mind:
1. What if I had 3 more friends?
(What kind of friends would I like them to be? What kind of relationship would I like to have with them? How would I like us to benefit each other?)
2. What if I had 3 more chances?
(What if I had the chance to improve upon something that I’ve neglected, written-off or failed at? In what ways would I reignite it and make it the way I know it has the potential to be?)
I feel like the two questions I came up with helps me to better answer the question from the fashion/design article. The reason I was not eagerly jumping at the chance to appreciate and wisely use the 3 additional hours — and gave my honest, yet unenthusiastic and unempowered answer, was because… I am not truly passionate about what I am currently doing and how I spend each day. If I was, I would grab the 3 extra hours and run with them, savoring and making the most of each minute, wildly & passionately enjoying all 3 hours — clearly seeing them as a gifted opportunity — as I should see all 24 hours of each day, that I am currently blessed with.
What if you had 3 more hours, 3 more friends, and 3 more chances? How would you spend the time? What would you want out of them? In what way would your life change?
Around 2007 I lost my desire to appreciate art; to both view and create it. Every invitation to go to a museum or gallery opening was turned down. (While living in NYC, it’s easy to get several invitations per week to view artists and their work, especially if you are connected to the art community there.)
It’s 2015, and I haven’t fully recovered my desire or former passion for art viewing or art making. Something in me has been pulling towards the ephemeral and intangible — more so the spiritual. Over the last seven years I’ve felt much closer to spirit (energy) than to matter. I seem more interested in fleeting moments, plant matter, super-powers and phenomena. It’s what I spend my time thinking about, it’s what I want to get to know, it’s why I moved out of the city and closer to nature.
Whenever I view the deep tree saturated mountain vistas and the magical ever-changing sky, I’m reminded of my own nature, my own spirit — the spirit that is life itself. I feel at ease, and I feel at home. It’s a feeling that I wasn’t getting from big city art gigs or fancy art gallery openings. And since I wasn’t seeing it (or feeling it), I stopped connecting with that world — completely. I disconnected from art and art lovers.
There are very few artists that try to capture the ephemeral or the unknown, and simply represent mystery, spirit or energy. Alex Grey is someone who is wildly famous for illustrating what can not be seen with the naked eye. I can appreciate his work, but I don’t feel that it touches on what I feel, or what I know. It doesn’t draw me in. With such a small handful of artists that speak with their work and participate in the conversation of the Unseen, it’s hard to find one that resonates with me.
Only recently have I found an artist that speaks to my current journey and how I feel. His name is Andy Kehoe, and he has a large following online. That’s how I found his work. I’d love to buy his “At the Edge of the Unknown World” piece. I haven’t wanted to buy art in years! I’m really happy that I found Andy’s work, because it means that I haven’t lost my love or interest in fine art, I just lost interest in work that doesn’t represent what I currently feel, and the desire I have to connect with nature and spirit.
Below is a christmas list of Andy’s art. I love all of these pieces! But he has much more. I’ll leave his information below, so you can view his whole body of work. I chose the pieces that speak to me, but there might be others that speak to you.
Information on Andy Kehoe:
Last night I was watching Maidentrip on Netflix. It’s a movie about Laura Dekker‘s journey around the world. It doesn’t sound like a big deal does it? Plenty of people have traveled around the world, but how many 14 year old girls do you know that have sailed around the world completely alone? I for one, had never heard of such a thing. The whole idea sounds dangerous and daunting. Luckily, life shows us that we are far more capable than we imagine ourselves to be.
As I was watching the movie, I got really teary eyed. Okay, I’m lying, I actually cried. I cried for a bit while watching the movie, and I was only 15 minutes in! The reason I was crying is because I identified with Laura’s challenges and insights, I identified with them so deeply. She talked about the fact that people didn’t believe her dreams were possible and discouraged her (this includes a 10 month court battle with the government in Holland). They also didn’t think that she was capable of knowing herself or being able to hear/listen to her own innate wisdom. Towards the end of the film, Laura talked about the fact that the more she was at sea, the more she became comfortable in her own company and with her own thoughts. The more she surrendered to the moment (to beingness), the more in touch she was with nature and with herself. She became stronger and sharper as the days alone at sea passed. Her innate intelligence and power became more apparent with each passing day.
I have never done anything as badass or courageous as Laura, but I have gone against the grain of social norms, and still do. My ongoing struggle is that I crave the opportunity to simply be (to explore and study beingness itself), and to be accepted for it (not only from other people, but my own acceptance as well). In a world where everyone is chasing money, status, and the acquisition of stuff (or people/relationships) — I feel like I’m a foreigner in a place where I was born. I’ve felt this way since I was a child. My mind always presented one thing, and the world always showed me something quite different.
This is a quote from the movie by Laura Dekker: “In Europe and Holland, they’re thinking only abut money. Money is the most important thing; getting a car, getting a house, getting kids — and then die.”
I remember being Laura’s age, and telling people that I wanted to be an artist, and that I didn’t want to marry or give birth to children. I was told that I would change my mind as I got older, and that my desires were unrealistic and immature. (For the record, I was never told this by my parents, my parents have always encouraged me to follow my heart & dreams, much like Laura’s family. It was only people in society that I encountered negativity and opposition.)
I never listened to the naysayers, I did exactly what I said/wanted, and at 40 years of age, no one can say that I changed my mind, or that my ideas were fantasies of inexperience or lacking in wisdom. I’ve never been married, and the desire to get married still isn’t there. The same goes for the rest, the desire to have my own children has never existed for me. (This doesn’t mean that I am not open to adopting in the distant future, or taking on a partnership with someone that has kids, or even marrying in the future — It’s only to say that at 14 years of age, I knew myself. I knew myself deeply.)
People could easily say that they discouraged Laura Dekker out of concern for her well-being. They could present the argument: “It is for her safety! Her parents allowing her to sail would put her life at risk. Her parents are irresponsible and the girl is spoiled. She should not be allowed to pursue such a far-fetched self-indulgent dream.”
Often people that see/meet/hear someone that appears to be fearless and/or driven in a certain regard, they put their guard up and act as though someone’s survival is on the line — like it’s a life or death situation. People forget that it’s not life or death, it’s life and death. Death is part of life, and the ones that are afraid of dying are often the ones that live as if they are dead. It’s the ones that aren’t afraid of dying that live as though they are fully alive. (And by ‘death’ I mean it figuratively and literally. Moving outside of one’s comfort zone, or ending something familiar, or putting yourself on the edge of what you think is possible or comfortable, is a form of death. It’s the death of your former self, the death of what you formally knew to be true or necessary.)
I have to assume more people than just a select few want to go against the grain or pursue a ‘crazy’ dream. These desires have to be in the minds of billions. It’s unfathomable to me that it isn’t the case. That being said, it’s just not something I hear of or see often. And for the few that want to pursue ‘out of the box’ ideas, it makes the journey even harder — if they take on the journey at all.
If people aren’t pursuing their dreams, or highest ideals, or whatever makes their heart sing, I think some questioning is in order. Are you afraid of your own survival? Do you think others will not accept you? Do you think you will lose your life as you know it, and if so, what is wrong with having a life that is currently unknown to you?
In nature, there are always cycles of life & death that are in perfect balance in each moment. Change is embraced fully. Change is actually what makes nature so gorgeous and exciting! It makes it stronger and richer, powerful beyond our understanding. Change is what makes nature come alive. We are nature, nature is not separate from us. When we go against nature, we go against our own innate wisdom, beauty and power.
So do you see what I mean? People chase what is familiar, thinking that they can hold on to life that way. Problem is, it prevents them from living life and being fully alive. Life is change. Life is surrendering to the unknown. Life is blooming into your own being. Even if that means that it might be scary, challenging or sound a bit out of the norm.
I take my hat off to anyone that has endured the struggle of going against the grain and following their heart. It gives the people around them permission to do the same. I think that’s why I was crying while watching the movie. It’s like Laura Dekker’s journey made all the years I struggled and felt confused worth something. It showed me that is was worth the fight — but now, now that I am older, it’s worth the embrace. I still need to surrender more and trust my own heart wisdom. There is still a lot of internal nitpicking that shows a lack of unconditional love (for myself) and unshakable courage. It rears its head from time to time, and I can feel it. It’s humbling, I guess that’s the good part. But to find balance between the two is my ideal. To be humble, yet fully aware and empowered at the same time. I think that makes for a pretty badass combination, as well as a pretty badass life.
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I’m wishing you a fabulous Sunday. Thank you so much for reading my blog. I am so grateful and honored to be able to connect with you in this way. It really feels magical, and it’s a lot of fun.