Tag Archives: life goals

What Does it Feel Like?

Alms Offering to 10000 monks - Chiang Mai, 2013

From the CEO hustling to make more money, or the monk standing with his alms bowl — they all have something that they want. It doesn’t matter if it’s to save the world or buy a faster car — there is a desire.

The question “what do you want?” could be asked. We can learn a lot about a person by probing a little and getting to know what they are seeking. But a better question would be, “if you had what you wanted, how would it make you feel?”

Not that this is easy to do (I think it takes massive patience, awareness, practice and trust), but I totally believe that if you work on the desired feeling first, it can attract things/goals that match its likeness. Not only that, but it can truly satisfy the root of one’s desires in general.

If the CEO felt that money would bring him the feeling of security or confidence, if he made that the primary goal instead of money, and cultivated it and imbued it in every fiber of his being, if that harnessed trait was attractive, obvious and undeniable when interacting with him — I honestly think it would influence the amount of money he would earn/generate. He would attract great wealth with much more ease and grace. And if the monk felt unconditionally content and joyful, I think people would fill his alms bowl in appreciation of the feeling that he radiates. He would gracefully attract the abundance needed to sustain his life purpose, well-being and sense of joy.

This is a quote from a blog post I wrote a few years back: “I feel that it is important to get clear regarding the feelings you want (the intangibles) more so then the things you want. I don’t believe that we ever really want things (specific relationships, bodies, homes, etc.), I believe we want how these things make us feel. So why not get it down to what it really is? It’s a feeling.”

Just to be clear, I’m not saying it’s easy to be confident or feel secure when you desperately need money, or feel content or joyful when you are feeling hungry. I’m not saying that at all. But what I am saying is; if you aren’t clear about what you really want — and haven’t accepted that it’s not about that specific thing (or goal), that it’s really the feeling you are after — then you will never be satisfied. You will always carry an insatiable missing in your being and always be plagued by never ending goals.

If you find that this is something you are struggling with, let’s get your focus and target aimed at something that truly serves you.

Think about what it is that you want or need, or crave. How would you feel if you had it? What emotion does it bring you? How does it light you up? What does it feel like to be in that state? How does it balance you and make you whole?

Is it possible to create that feeling, knowing, energy, light or sense of balance within yourself without having that thing/goal?

Is it possible that you could you do both? Could you work towards the feeling and the thing/goal? Could you make the feeling your primary focus? And the thing/goal a secondary desire?

Can you live the feeling you desire fully and intergrate it into your everyday life and way of being? And in time, with lots of practice, see all that it can do for you? It might bring some interesting things, people, resources, opportunities and experiences to you. I think it’s worth a try. (I’ll be working on it myself!)

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Filed under ask yourself, big thinking

Romantic Sparks vs. Life Goals

sparks

I feel a bit embarrassed telling you this, but here it goes…

[keep in mind, this blog post was written on a previous date, but recently]

This morning I was rushing to get out of the house to beat the heat. Yesterday was 104 degrees, and today was forecasted to be the same. I just washed my hair, and put it in a absurd hairdo — something completely temporary, that I would fix later in the day. I also threw on the tank top I wore yesterday, a pair of tie-dye shorts, and a pair of dirty summer shoes. This was not my best look. To top it off, I grabbed my backpack (for my groceries) and frontpack (for my dog — she sits in it, while I run errands), and headed out the front door.

After walking about 5 blocks, I locked eyes with someone driving past me. I’m not sure if he slowed down as he passed me, or if time stood still. We looked at each other, dead center into each other’s eyes. We were both moving, he was driving and I was walking, and we both proceeded onward toward our destinations. I simply shook off the experience and went about my way.

A few blocks later I turned the corner, and there was the same car that I had just seen! Parked in a driveway. I’d have to pass the car to get where I was going. He was there, standing in front of his house, speaking to someone. I tried to compose myself, and passed both of them, while politely saying hello. He and I looked at each other again, briefly, and I kept walking.

I went to the post office, went grocery shopping, and stopped by a local dance center. On the way home, I would pass that same block. I was hoping he wouldn’t be there. It would be too many times that we would pass each other in such a short time. And too many times that I would feel a bit awkward! That being said, I was hoping to see which house he lived in. I hadn’t noticed it the previous time that I passed it. My goal was to casually walk by, take note of the surroundings and house, and do it quickly — completely unseen.

To my surprise, he was still out there! He was still working and talking with the same person, in the front yard. I desperately wanted to cross the street and turn a corner. I wanted to quickly hide before he or his friend saw me. But it was too late, I was seen. I had to finish walking the block, and pass them — again. I felt like I was walking a plank of a pirate ship. It felt so ridiculous passing him a third time. I was also a bit nervous and unsure what to expect.

As I made my way pass him, I got the same look, the same one I got when he was passing me in the car. It’s like if energy was coming though his eyes, causing some sort of spark. Was it an official spark, or just intrigue? Maybe both, maybe some sort of energy exchange mixed with a large dose of intrigue? He made a comment about my dog as I passed. I turned back and smiled, and introduced my dog, and then myself. He and his friend introduced themselves in return. The friend mentioned that he had a chihuahua in the past, and she stuck her tongue out just like my dog does. I forget the name of his chihuahua, but it was a funny name. I laughed — his dog story put me at ease — but only for a few seconds. I quickly reverted to feeling extremely nervous and on-the-spot. I said goodbye to both of them and continued to walk home.

Once I got in the front door, I felt like I wanted to Google him. I wanted to know who he was. I only had his street name and first name. Trying to Google him was a horrible idea, very silly. Even though I let go of the Google idea, I felt my mind drifting into all sorts of imaginings about who he might be. Is he a sleaze ball or nice guy? Is he middle aged or retired? Is he fun & easy to be around or hard-nosed & challenging? Is he someone that likes to help people or use people? All sorts of things were running through my mind. I was already plotting future days that I would walk by his house, hoping to catch him standing outside again. I was wondering if we might one day strike up a real conversation.

I made myself some lunch. It was soon time to wash the lunch dishes, and there went my mind again. I caught it mid thought and stopped myself. A voice in my head asked, “Why are you so interested in sparks?” I paused at the question and thought, who doesn’t want sparks? The voice quickly replied, “What do you think sparks will give you? Isn’t it always peace you say you are looking for? How will these sparks lead to peace? Or will these sparks lead to the opposite of peace?” It was a good question. In the past, sparks never lead to peace. They lead to lots of ups & down and stressful times. I’m not saying that romantic sparks can’t or will never lead to peace — that just hasn’t been my experience.

The voice in my head really stopped me in my tracks and sobered me up. It was clear to me that I wasn’t looking for sparks. I didn’t want sparks in my life. What I’ve been wanting is deep rooted peace. And that can only come from me. And when it does, it will be reflected in the choices that I make. My work, my home, and all of my relationships will reflect that peace. All decisions will come from a place of peace. And if that peace creates romantic sparks for me — that’s fabulous! I’m all for it. But I’m not interested in doing it the other way around. I’m not interested in chasing sparks. To me, that’s not my idea of being at peace or living in peace. I rather focus on what it is I really want. And right now, that’s a life that I love, a life that feels peaceful and effortless.

Peaceful synonyms: tranquil, calm, restful, quiet, relaxing, undisturbed, untroubled, secluded.

Effortless synonyms: easy, undemanding, unchallenging, painless, simple, uncomplicated, straightforward, natural.

*Side note: If there is any news or part 2 to this story, I will be sure to tell you. Just rest assured, if he & I are meant to cross paths again — we will. I have no interest in seeking him out, or trying to create sparks. I’ll be focusing on my peaceful existence. It’s a project that keeps me plenty busy.

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Filed under relationships, sparks

On Your Best Day

your best day

I’ll be turning 40 in less than 6 weeks. I’m excited to enter a new year (2015!) and a new decade (my 40s!). For some reason, I’m excited to turn 40. Eager to see how my life unfolds from that point forward.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what works for me and what doesn’t, and the gift that growing older gives. As I think about entering a new phase of my life, I know how I want my life to feel. Goals and excessive planning have little interest for me. In my opinion, people set goals for desired feelings in the future, that are completely possible in the present. I don’t believe in setting goals, I believe in setting up an environment to foster feelings.

This month, I decided to get a head start on the new year and create a daily practice that I will work to maintain throughout the year. The purpose of this practice is to create the ideal day, that fosters ideal feelings, that evolves into an amazing year, and adds up to a extraordinary life.

I have a few things on my list that are always keys to feeling my best. I haven’t designed my perfect day yet, so I’ll just share with you a few of the things that I am planning on incorporating into my daily mix & plan.

These are in no special order, I’m listing them randomly.

  • Waking up early, when the morning is silent & fresh.
  • Drinking plenty of water, 1 – 2 liters during the day.
  • Exercising & deep breathing first thing in the morning.
  • Having liquid meals, especially green smoothies & juices.
  • Meditative & reflective moments, time taken for stillness in action.
  • Being creative & self-expressed in all that I do.
  • Eating a nourishing whole-food homemade vegan meal.
  • Taking care of what is most important, living my priorities.
  • Sharing my work and myself with others openly.
  • Maintaining a neat, minimal & organized home environment.
  • Getting fresh air in my lungs & warm sunrays on my face.
  • Being honest with myself & others, living my truth.

When that list is a part of my day, I have a great day! I feel great, I have great energy, and I go to bed reflecting on a day well spent — eager to do it all again the next day.

In the next few days, I am going to design a daily practice, a step-by-step routine, that I will follow for 2015. It doesn’t matter to me that each day goes as written. What does matter to me is that I am living my values and setting standards for myself. I want a great life, and it all starts with a great day — over & over, becoming better & better, getting sweeter with time.

What are you like on your best days? What are you doing? What does it feel like? What usually starts it or sparks it? Is there a way that you can make it a daily habit or practice? What would a dedicated year of those activities & feelings give you? How would it change you? Would it be the best year of your life?

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Filed under best life, good habits, perfect day, setting goals