Tag Archives: jen gotch instagram

Jen Gotch on Instagram

jen-gotch-book

Dinner and a show.

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jen-gotch-fashion

When your best friend asks you to watch her cats, she’s kind of also asking you to try on her clothes, chill in her bed, drink her wine, eat her organic tortilla chips and take long hot bath, right? 🐈👗🍷🛀👯😘

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jen-gotch-story

“How are you doing?” Is a question I have been asked a lot over the last few months. My answer is usually, “yeah. I’m good. Highs and Lows. Highs and Lows.” And I am fine. I’m good. I’m hanging in there. I’m f*cking terrified and overwhelmed and 45 and tired and I think my hormones are f*cked up and my depression is always there waiting for me if I want to tap into it. I have ADD and anxiety and at least 4 cavities. And I’m alone, but not, but yeah I am (the trash doesn’t take itself out). And I’m not vain and honestly have spent decades working on my personality so I would not have rely on my looks, but still it’s sad to see them fade. I’m so young and so old and there are hairs growing out of my chin on a regular basis now. I’m taking it in stride and I am grateful to have lots people that treat me like royalty, like family (I’m specifically talking about you right now @streichersisters) that make me feel special and beautiful and of WORTH, especially right now when I am so confused about all of that. If you’ve been kind to me, please know how touched I feel by it. Even if I turn your gesture into a dick joke or something to lighten the mood, it truly does have an impact for me. Thanks for filling me up!! That’s what she said. See I can’t stop. Bye.

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One of us just peed on the floor. ☀️💧

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jen-gotch-ig

In January of 2016 my life started to change: friendships were ending, my business was rapidly growing and my therapist of 20 years encouraged my husband to leave me, without ever discussing it directly with me. I’ve suffered a loss of intimacy in every area of my life, and as someone who truly loves to be alone, I have discovered loneliness in a way I had never previously understood. May I say, here, I have a f*cking beautiful, charmed life that I am insanely grateful for, but the human condition leaves room for me to feel this and feel despair simultaneously. Almost 2 years later, as I put all of these transitions behind me I was so surprised to find another set of transitions and challenges waiting here. I was kind of expecting to run through some taut tape at a finish line, be doused with champagne and gleefully handed a giant engraved trophy that said,” JEN GOTCH you did it.” That being said, I’m excited for this next one. I’m scared. I’m out of my body. I’m out of my mind and I’m also more in touch with what I want than ever before. I talk about this here, because every time I do, you always say, “me, too.” So I’ll keep it up. I’ll try to make us proud. Thanks for sticking with me. 🎢

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jen gotch instagram

Just trying to make my way back to my 1998 passport photo. #tbt

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jen gotch

I’m so grateful to have you, this giant group of people cheering me on as I challenge myself to grow and change, face fears and let go. It’s been a gift to be able to share all my triumphs, big and small. It only seems fair that I share the challenges, too. Right now I’m so sad. I’m emotionally under water and have been for months and months. I actually can’t remember what it feels like not to have the raw edge of sadness around my heart, leaving me with a constant dull pain that can quickly turn into something much more intense without warning. and I can’t see a clear way out even though I know it’s there just out of sight. In my experience, sadness is different than Depression. Depression often comes out of nowhere and dissipates just as mysteriously. It feels numb and quiet, less fueled by the internal ramblings in my head. Sadness hurts and it makes me scream in my car at the top of my lungs, shouting “f*ck” over and over again louder and louder and louder. Sadness feels like a problem that needs to be solved and there’s nothing I love more than problem solving so I have been diligent. Too diligent in fact. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m tired of journaling, reading, thinking, meditating. I’m tired of being responsible and evolved and mindful. I’m tired of finding the bright side and I’m tired of smiling through it. I just want to feel helpless and wounded for a few days. I want to walk around crying with a bottle of wine in one hand and a box of entenmann’s donuts in the other. That’s it. I’ll be fine. Just wanted you to know all days aren’t triumphant and smiles often reflexively mask pain, plus I gotta run and get those donuts.

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All text & photos are from @jengotch on Instagram.

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