I can’t seem to heed or hear these words enough: simplify, simplify, simplify. Somehow my life seems to twist and turn and end up in complicated places. Places where I try to mix other people’s wants and needs with my own.
Well, I don’t think it’s really about wants & needs, more like imagined dreams & desires. Life is a dream. We add story and meaning behind the impersonal and the empty. Life really can be simple, straightforward, seamless and serene. Yet, the drama, the passion, the drive, the fuel behind the fire — it creeps in like a thief in the night. Sometimes passion, and fire, and drama are great! They make for great movies. They make for great gossip, and great memories to obsess and to stew over for years. But they don’t seem to be great for peace and serenity. They don’t seem to be useful for balance and health.
Of course I’m speaking generally. And of course words can be twisted and and taken in directions not intended. All I’m saying is; I don’t like it when things get unnecessarily complicated. I don’t like it when egos or illusory identities clash and bump heads. I don’t like it when… I don’t like it. I hate when I catch myself not liking what I am part of, what I am giving my energy to. Not only is it not fulfilling, it’s completely draining. I like to like, just like I love to love. I’m my best when I’m open, loving and liking, appreciating all that I am part of.
I want to be liking and loving all day, every day. Not feeling the draining pull of resistance, along with the discomfort that comes from trying too hard. And let’s not forget fear. Where there is inauthenticity, too much effort, and the feeling like one is far from their center… there is fear. The fear of telling someone no, or the fear of not being honest with oneself, or the fear of simply not knowing what might come next.
This soup of fear, tension, cloudiness and resistance — the teetering decision making — not feeling here or there, or clear about anything. Even when it’s for a few minutes, it’s more than I can tolerate. It takes me to a place that feels like a tight shoe, like I’m walking and every step is uncomfortable, every step is an internal struggle. And I’m walking with a face that says everything is OK, when in actuality, it isn’t.
Every so often, I have to go over my life and look for the ‘tight shoes’. I have to see where I am being inauthentic, where I am participating in projects or conversations that are not in alignment with my highest self. And most importantly, I have to see where I am betraying myself. Where I have left and abandoned the purity of the soul that is behind the corporeal persona. I’m going through one of those moments right now, I’ve been feeling it all week. And it’s good! I celebrate moments like these. Moments when I have to say: STOP! What is all this about? Simplify. Let go. Drop what isn’t yours (literally, but more so figuratively). And walkaway, knowing that peace can only be realized, and the sweetness that is your soul is ever present. Nothing is ever needed, nothing is ever gained. And the love you imagine that might be taken away for living your truth, isn’t love.