[This happened on October 2nd, 2012. After the incident, I put a bandage on my finger & wrote this blog post. Since then, my finger rapidly healed. Everything is now back to normal. I’m as good as new!]
I sliced a piece of my finger off as I was making lunch on Tuesday. It happened shortly after I wrote down a few thoughts that came to me. This is what I wrote before I cut myself:
What we are really looking for, we can’t have — which is unconditional love.
It’s not to be had, possessed, learned, created or found — it is.
It is life itself.
There is no someone who loves. There is only love.
There is no someone who lives. There is only life.
When we see life as unconditional love, the search is over.
There is no longer someone looking for something.
There is only love. And love is no-thing.
Then, maybe 20 minutes later, I walked into the kitchen, began to make lunch — and whoops!
I mentioned it to someone later that day, I said, “Today I sliced a little piece of my finger off.” And their reply was, “Well, why did you do that?” It was so clear to me at that moment: ‘I’ didn’t do that, I didn’t choose that, I didn’t make it happen — it just happened. There was an energetic & slightly chaotic moment (while making lunch) & off the piece of finger went (sliced off during the use of a mandoline). It was a happening, something that happened in the the moment.
This was such an ah-ha for me. I reflected on several past experiences, were I may have been upset with myself for something that happened. And now, when I look back at it — how silly I was for being so hard on myself (or on others). There was no separate individual that made anything happen, or that chose to cause harm, or could have chose to avoid it. And that something that happened wasn’t personal. Not something bad just for some-one, that could have been controlled by the some-one it was happening to (or not happening to). It was simply a happening in the moment. Not good or bad, but simply happening. And there is no one, no separate individual, that could ever know why.
As I continue to move in life (as the construct known as time passes), it’s getting clearer to me how effortless life can be. When things happening are simply viewed as a ‘happening,’ all of the contrast is taken out. The suffering & the drama totally disappears. There is no one to blame; nothing to take personal. It simply is. Just as life simply is. Is there anyone that can explain life? Or any-one that can be responsible for life as we know it? Of course not. It’s just a happening.
Do you remember how the word ‘happening‘ was used in the 60’s? It was a performance, event or situation meant to be considered art, usually as performance art. And later people used the word loosely to mean any type of gathering or party. This to me, is a good definition of what is happening with all of us. We are an event, we are performing, we are a gathering, we are a party. It’s art. It’s play. It’s drama.
It’s all energy at play. Energy that appears to take any form. But don’t let the appearance fool you. Don’t get lost in the story. Stay awake. Stay clear. Remember that it’s all energy. And this energy is simply unconditional love. Embracing & allowing everything.
That is why there is no one that has control. No one that has the answers. No one that is responsible. No one that is separate. And whatever is happening, is transitory. Meaningless. No-thing. Just energy. Just unconditional love. Just is.
For some people the thought of that stirs up tension & anger, or endless questions, or maybe confusion, or sorrow — for others, it’s a relief. All the weight, all the meaning, all the effort, all the significance, has been lifted. So when something happens — there is no one to blame. The energy (in whatever form it takes) moves to handle whatever is next. Not a beat is missed. It’s perfect. It’s like dancing, or improvisation — just move to what moves you & allow the moves to come as you are moved. Can you imagine if you lived life like that? Does that not sound like fun? Does that not sound liberating? To me it does.
I’ve had numerous injuries over my adult life: from a major car accident while being a passenger (which resulted in knee surgery & lifelong damage to my spine) — to seriously injuring myself while making large-scale art pieces. All of the injuries were traumatic for me. But Tuesday’s injury (although much-much smaller, yet still significant) was the first time that the moment felt effortless & seamless — & totally fine. No problem at all. Like no-thing happened. And it was simply a level of awareness that made the difference. Somehow, awareness makes all the difference — all the difference in the world. So much so, that it completely changes the experience of it.