Right now I am listening to the sound of a diesel engine rumbling. Or is it more like a purr?
Now I am listening to a car rev & speed away.
And behind all of this is the white noise of rain. Car tires splashing as they roll past puddles. Rain drops hitting rooftops, leaves & windows.
The world seems peaceful.
Lately I’ve been getting really into subtle things. They have been so interesting for me. I watch or listen to them, fascinated. And by subtle things, I mean things that aren’t very tangible. I mean things that you can’t put your finger on. I mean things that float away. I mean the things that go unnoticed — because the aren’t really things.
As I look out the window, I notice that the rain looks like slushy snow falling.
Now it looks as if the rain is slowing down.
Now the rain is gone.
Now it has started up again & it’s back to looking like rain.
All of this reminds me of how transitory life is. How one thing is happening — & then it’s not. And so many of us miss it. Miss all of the beautiful subtle (or not so subtle) moments that happen all day, every day.
This morning I was eating watermelon. It was half a melon, wrapped in wax paper (because we are out of cling wrap). As I lifted the wax paper from the watermelon, I was so enthralled in how wonderful the wax paper was. Wow. Just to touch its waxy surface with my skin. To hear its light gentle crinkly sounds. Looking at it stand in a crumpled upright position, after I placed it down. It was glowing. How beautiful it was. In all its shapes & sounds & textures. In its ever-evolving delicate nature.
The more I embrace life, in all of its fragility, the more I see it as untouchable & powerful. As a whole — as one ever evolving thing that keeps living & moving. The more I embrace me, for all of my humanness, fickleness & vulnerability, the more I feel secure & complete. It’s an interesting parallel. It’s so clear that I am nothing but life itself. Not a separate entity, but life itself.
Just sitting here. Just sitting. With my arms stretched out. Writing this blog post. Taking one second at a time. Not knowing what I will write next until it’s being written. Just that. Feels amazing. Feels like life. It feels soft & effortless. It feels like peace.
I now hear a loud garbage truck outside. And now even that feels peaceful & subtle & beautiful. Even that feels perfect, in its ever-changing & temporary ways.
Being human, being temporary, being vulnerable, being fragile. Being multidimensional. Being part of the unknown. Giving into fatigue, sleepiness or death. Giving into hunger or thirst. Giving into unforeseen circumstances. The softness of it all. All of the feelings that come with it. The sensations. This is a richness that we all get to feel. We get to hear its sound, or feel its vibration. We get to be part of it all. What an opportunity we all have. What an opportunity life is.
To simply allow all that is. To allow it. To allow all of life fully (as if we had a choice!). I think that is where the confusion is. We think we have a choice. We think there is an ‘I’ that chooses. A separate someone, that can make a decision separate from all the other separate someones. But really, it’s just a silly game we play with ourselves that takes us out of the fun. We resist. We fight the moment. We put our feet up & push with all our might against what is happening (like aging, or death, or sleepiness, or boredom, or loneliness, or crime, or fighting, or anything you can possibly imagine that you don’t want to be happening).
Imagine if a tree did that. Imagine if every autumn the trees totally freaked out about turning brown. About losing all of their summer leaves. Can you just imagine the unnecessary suffering they would put themselves through? This is exactly what we are doing. We are life, resisting life! We are only fighting with ourselves. What a waste of energy. What a waste of life. What a lost opportunity to simple be life — being life! In all of its subtleties (& not so subtleties). Why not enjoy all of it. At every phase, in every moment. In all of its glory.
Why not give up the false sense of control? Why not surrender & relax into it? Why not enjoy each step of the way with full appreciation? Why not see the beauty in each phase, or in each second? Why not have fun where you are now? There is so much to see & hear & feel. In this moment, in any moment. The richness of it all can be overwhelming — but only in a life-affirming way. It can be so inspiring & exciting! But only if you open yourself to it. When you allow it in, you allow life in. And remember, you are only allowing yourself in when you do that. When you let all of life in, you let all of you in! You are life.