Ugh, what a frustrating week I had. I vented a little on my Facebook fan page & I shared my frustration with friends. After that I felt a bit lighter about it all. It was perfect, the most beautiful thing; on the day when I felt most down & most alone, two of my dearest friends (we’ve been close friends for over 15 years) reached out to me. I got an email from one friend with the subject line: “how u feeling today?” & the other about 1 hour later with the subject line: “meant to reach out to u sooner” (interesting that they both type in lower case & they chose to use a “u” for “you” – they are both well above 40 years of age, so I find their youthfulness amusing & a complete coincidence since they are not connected in any way personally). I spoke to one friend on Skype via video (technology is so amazing) & the other friend through a chain of emails. They both made me feel so loved & so much better.
Before they reached out to me, I was doing what I’ve seen many people do. What I was doing was “lumping” – it’s when someone takes many things that are bothering them & lumps it all into one big insurmountable mountain. In my mountain was: two family members in serious situations that are heartbreaking; the execution (murder) of Troy Davis & the hopeless feeling surrounding that injustice (I will write a blog post about it); moving on from past romantic relationships that I found difficult to let go of; then the most recent one that really pushed me over the edge was my deep love for someone that I was at odds with this week (at odds really isn’t the right word, but let’s go with it); plus many more things that are milestones of me moving forward & creating something new in my life as I let go of what was once was. So it all felt like too much on Thursday. But the reminder that love is all that matters & that it’s the only way to set my life & my mind straight, worked wonders. Just the thought alone of that brought me back to being who I know I am. I am someone who loves. I am someone that believes that beneath it all, there is something to See. And as long as I am focusing on Seeing, Loving & Being – there is nothing else better suited for me. This is my life.
I’ll share a quote with you from the email dialogue I had with my friend…
“The best thing about love & heartbreak & destructive people is that they tear me up inside. And I learn how to be more expansive as a result. I learn how to stop making it about me & to see that their lack of awareness & love is actually my own.”
I think my quote is pretty self explanatory, but if I expound on it a bit, I would just say that this idea of a “me” (the identification with a separate self) leads to self-imposed suffering, as well as confusion. This warped view is nothing but a lack of awareness & love. In love & awareness (in its highest sense) there is no duality – nothing exists completely separate or independent of anything else. Also, if challenging or traumatic experiences “tear me up” it’s a good thing because that me or that sense of a separate self isn’t based in truth.
I can never be reminded enough: love is all there is.