I am so ready. I’m feeling a strong need to leave everything behind. I’ve been feeling this way for a while. It’s been gradual. First it was all of my photos, (why keep them when I have the memories?), then it was my art career, and now it’s me (physically.) I don’t mean to sound drastic, it’s really about a mind state more than anything. The feeling of washing away the past and starting clean really appeals to me. To begin with nothing. To be reborn. To start with today. To be a child. To let loose.
I was reading the other night about autolysis. It was in a book written by Dr. Herbert Shelton. I was so moved by it. I read about the autolysis of insects and animals. The metamorphosis of the caterpillar is one example, but the frog is another good one. When a tadpole is ready to grow its legs it stops eating. During this fast it digests its tail.
“Let us begin with a familiar example of the digestion and absorption of a part of a living organism by the organism itself. In the process of becoming a frog the tadpole grows four legs. After these are fully formed, he no longer has use for the tail that served so well in the tadpole stage — so he proceeds to get rid of it, not by shedding it as is popularly supposed, but by absorbing it.” – Dr. Herbert Shelton.
I feel like over the past few years I have taken the time to digest who I was and where I’ve been. I am now tired of buying, consuming, hoarding and holding. It takes so much processing. So much time, work and energy that could be used for more empowering things. I’m ready to let go. To get simple and to be free. I’m ready to eat my tail.
It’s interesting how much I have gained by doing less and slowing down over the last two years. My eating has gotten really clean and only because I’ve gradually simplified it to the point where all I’m attracted to are fruits and vegetable dishes. My apartment looks so much better now that I have purged it of unnecessary stuff. My excercise routine is so much more fun now that I only do a little bit every morning (and if I want to do more later, I do. But only because I really want to.) The important thing here is that I’ve simplified everything.
“The word autolysis (a-tol-i-sis) is derived from the Greek and means, literally, self-loosing. It is used in physiology to designate the process of digestion or disintegration of tissue by ferments (enzymes) generated in the cells themselves. It is a process of self-digestion, intra-cellular digestion.” – Dr. Herbert Shelton.
I’m ready to bring in the new year in a new way. Ready to start anew. I have the rest of this month to eat my tail and leap into the new year. I will go on a water only fast from 12/21/09 to 01/01/10. I’m really excited about it. I haven’t done something like this since 2008 when I went on a silent retreat. It feels really good to step away from everything and to come back with new eyes. It almost makes one feel like a frog with brand new legs!