Lately I’ve had moments of “Am I still working on this? Why?” or “Why do I feel like everything in my life gets shifted around, but nothing really changes?” I wrote a friend of mine an email that touches on the topic.
Sent: Aug 8, 2009 8:52 AM
I woke up with this feeling that I’m still so behind on everything. Still; not losing weight, not making enough money, not selling (or making) new artwork, not running regularly. Still; haven’t gone back to see Joe, haven’t paid off my debt, haven’t redesigned my art studio, haven’t settled on what the next art career is going to be. Then I thought, “How fabulous!” This morning I am happy that I have something to work on. I also have lots of love & support. I have a huge cheering crowd that wants me to accomplish everything that is important to me. How cool is that?! Life is exciting when it is unpredictable, risky, challenging and limitless. I want to work for my dreams, I want to learn along the way, I want to make mistakes(?). It’s all OK. It’s all part of the process, and we are all here for the process. That’s living.
There is no end. There is no, “Oh my art career is all settled now” or “Wow, my body is in perfect shape, now I can stop eating healthfully and exercising regularly.” There is no end. Things feel like they are shifting around because they are! Life is supposed to be lived in the moment, not in the future. Everything is perfect if we see it that way. The whole point of my life is to live it fully. To know that it is not mine, that it is a gift and that I have a responsibility to share it with others. My life is about being creative. It’s not about meeting some ideal in my head (or the media/culture’s programming of of my head.)
I remember working on a project for a client in 2002. The project was a series of sculptures that would take me a year to build. I put a little note on the wall to remind myself of something as I worked. It read: it will never be finished, it will never be good enough. Every time I felt overwhelmed with deadlines, opinions and self-criticism, I read that little message on the wall.
This afternoon I read something that really clicked with me. It was from John U. Bacon’s book, The Spark. It read, “To me, creativity is first and foremost about courage -a willingness to take risks, to try new things and to share the experience with others.” Why then would my life need to about about being perfect? Or finished? Or changed? Would it not be more fun to make it about being creative? About being in a state of joy, bliss, self-love and acceptance? Or how about excitement, wonder and enthusiasm? For anyone that is afraid of trying something new or taking risks, I definitely think getting over the fear is the fun part. Being afraid to fail, having to try again, or to not see results right away is part of the process.
If you ever need anyone to cheer you on in your dreams and in your life being perfect just the way it is — I’m here for you.