This weekend is extra packed. Busy busy. I won’t be able to write a new post for Sunday. But stay tuned for next week. A new post will be hot off the press.

I hope you all are enjoying this leaf blowing weather. Fall is here! Enjoy.

Below is an email I sent to a friend back in September. Sometimes I can be a bit ‘over-the-top’ when I discuss my point of view. After time passes, I re-read or hear again what I’ve said, & I laugh to myself. I can tell that I’m being extreme. But after reading this email again, I still feel the same way.

From: AimeeLovesYou
To: XXXX
Subject: XXXX
Date: Sep 24, 2009

This week I was reminded about what being ‘in love’ means. I heard one interesting view of being ‘in-love’ (in-love with a romantic partner), that I agreed with. They mentioned a few things about people who think they are ‘in love’, but are in romantic relationships as a means to an end. There is something that they want from the other person, there is a need to be filled. I have additional thoughts about it, but I agree with what they said. Hearing their point of view brought me back to my own knowing, about love in general. I am clear that the romantic love we feel we need is not the one we think it is. It is the love for Self, unconditional love for Self, that frees us, completes us, & gives us everlasting bliss. When we truly love ourselves, we don’t need union because we are whole, we don’t need a partner to feel loved, we are love & we are FULL of love. Everything & everyone are seen as love as well. Nothing is separate from us because we are WHOLE. We will never fall out of love, we will never have fears about losing love, (or those we love), we will just be in who we know we are. We can be ourselves in an effortless way, in love, because we are love. It’s so easy for me at times to get swept up in movies, the news, other peoples concepts, imagery, etc.. But when all that gets silent, when I get silent, I know what’s real.

All suffering I believe comes from this disconnect with Self, disconnect with Love. I know that when I’m bugged about my career, hating how a part of my body looks, wanting things (or people) to be my way, or getting impatient with the way things are, it’s because I can’t see me. I’ve lost sight. I don’t see who I am. I am my own creator. I have free will. Why am I going along as if I don’t? As if things are happening to me, and around me, and they are beyond my control, ..and I’m suffering for it. When this happens, it’s always best for me to STOP. Stop myself in my tracks and ask, “Why are you not being yourself? Why are you following others? Why are you worried about what they think? Why are you over thinking instead of being? Be simple. Be yourself. LOVE it all. Love yourself.” When I do, I know nothing can cause me harm. I AM it all. The only one that can cause me harm is myself. The only one who can not love me is me.

Xx..
A.

[The inspiring photo is by Diana Rikasari]

Or is it round 3? It doesn’t really matter because I’m in this for the long haul. I’m setting up for the next stage of getting my energy & diet the highest it can be. Ideal for me is to spring out of bed early in the morning, look in the mirror & feel like I look my best. Some days I have this, I wake up & feel like I look the same as 8pm the night before. Other days I catch my reflection (-like today) & think, “wow, I look tired”.  Tomorrow I start coaching with a super sweet Aussie. I will be with her for the whole month (-online). I told her that I have three goals.

The three goals I have for  a month of coaching are;
1. To eat simple & clean. 100% low fat raw vegan. (No fatty, fancy or salty raw foods, and no cooked foods of course.)
2. To stop when it’s enough. (Not eating after 5pm & not eating after I’m almost full, even if it’s super tasty!)
3. To consistently do cardio first thing in the morning & possibly another shorter workout later in the day of stretching or strength training. (-Even if it’s short workouts, I want the routine. I want to sweat daily.)
-And if I could lose weight & feel great as a result of this, that would be awesome!

You can follow me throughout the month of November. I start on the 1st. I will be posting my exercise on 30 Bananas-a-Day, and I will be posting everything I eat on my Nasty Fruit Blog. You can post your exercise or food intake as comments if you want to join in on the fun. I’m on Twitter too, so you can send me @replies if that’s easier. Of course I’ll write a ‘Sunday is for Lovers’ post with a final update after the month is up. So stay tuned for that. -Xo!

[The super-cool illustration is by Viet-My Bui.]

I have explained this to you at length: as long as you identify with your physical body you will be weak, vulnerable, subject to death like the physical body, and affected by the slightest thing that happens to it. But if you cease to see yourself simply as a physical entity swayed by instinctive impulses, and identify yourself instead with the centre of the universe, the Source of life, the Creator, then you will gradually distance yourself from weakness, decrepitude, sickness and death and move towards oneness with the everlasting, all-knowing and all-encompassing Godhead. This is why Initiates of old were so insistent that man should know his real Self. As long as human beings are content to know everything except their own selves, they will never reach the goal to which, after all, every single one of us aspires: freedom, peace and happiness. To know oneself means to melt into immensity of God. 

I hope it is quite clear now: when the Initiates of Ancient Greece said, ‘Know thyself’, they were in no way recommending that we should recognize our faults and failings, because our vices, faults and failings are not our Self. You must get this absolutely clear in your minds.

Of course, it goes without saying that it is not possible to become one with God overnight! Many people, even in a lifetime, will never reach oneness with the Eternal Being. From time to time, perhaps, they will see a glimmer or have a fleeting illumination, but the very next day they will once again feel isolated, powerless and dejected. Whereas someone who has reached oneness with his higher Self is in a permanent state of peace and light. He feels himself to be immortal. His consciousness reaches so high and so wide that he perceives all other beings as part of himself. He has no enemies and he loves every living creature because he senses that it is he himself who lives in every creature. He obeys the dictates of the higher moral law. ‘Know thyself’, therefore, means all of this, too.  -page 85 & 86 of The Living Book of Nature, by Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov

(Click on Omraam Aivanhov’s name to watch an excellent video. I just found it today, just now! I Googled his name to get a link for those of you who aren’t familiar with his work, and that Youtube video came up as part of that search. It was the exact thing I needed to see tonight!  Life is so perfect that way. We always get what we need when we need it. Everything is perfect.)

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for the late post. I was traveling all day today.  Los Angeles was great. I was making some sculpted lighting pieces for a friends wedding. I’ll post some pictures of it on my work blog later this week. I’ll keep you posted. Right now I am in Northern California visiting family. I’ll have time to write a proper post this week.  Maybe I can write a few & post one in the next few days and one for my usual Sunday post date. I miss writing, (& I missed you too!) so it would be nice to catch up.

September is almost over. The fall is here. The weather has changed. So many new things are happening in my life. There are also many things, like people, that stay the same. I have a core group of friends that I adore. I have had them the entire time I have been in New York City. Every year it feels like I get closer to them. These platonic relationships feel so intimate. They are my home in many ways. A familiar place that knows me well and is well loved. A place where I can always be myself.

Below is an example of how I communicate with my friends. I feel all warm & fuzzy just thinking about it. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such friendships. I’m not very social. I rarely go out. I don’t see them as often as I should. But, for whatever reason, it is what it is, and they love me as I am. I’m very grateful for that.

Email from a close friend this week…

—–Original Message—–
From: XXXX
Sent: Sep 23, 2009 1:24 PM
To: AimeeLovesYou
Subject: Re: Hi

You always say the nicest things, I love you.
I’ll continue to work on them, actually I realize that the look regarding
XXXXs and XXXXs will now come from those composites, enhancing the overall appearance, thank you for your creative direction.

I love you, I live you.

Incidentally, I saw an old movie last night, “XXXX”, it made me think and realize more and more of your road to freedom from material bonds and how the present is connected to every single thing in every moment that is happening.

Your life is an incredible spiritual journey, I’m honored to see and share in it.
Thank you for accepting me into your journey towards freedom from desires [attachments].

I will forever love you for it.

XXXX

—————————————

Here is my reply…

From: AimeeLovesYou
Sent: Sep 23, 2009 2:31 PM
To: XXXX
Subject: Re: hi

Wow, beautiful XXXX. I swear, sometimes I feel so crazy & so misunderstood, then I feel a connection with someone who understands, like you, like just now, then I feel whole again, like all is perfect, like I am perfect, like we & this planet & everything that is happening is perfect. Thank you.

I love you beyond words & worlds.

LOVE,
A.

Are you waiting on me? Sorry. Running a little late with the Sunday post. I had a busy Saturday. I will have the new post up by tonight. Thanks for waiting. Xo!

“Do you have the discipline to be a free-spirit?” -Gabrielle Roth

I’ve been on a journey this year. So much happening so fast. Nothing like I planned though. I thought I would be making tons of art & setting up a new business for myself. But instead I’ve been following my feet & letting them guide me. This is the same feeling I had when I traveled to India in 2001. Everyone would ask me, “Why are you going to India?” I would reply, “I don’t know, I’m just following my feet”. This year I’ve spent lots of time reading, experimenting with raw food diets, practicing Bikram yoga, purging all of my old stuff, studying at Lily Dale, getting massages & chiropractic treatment, changing the energy in my apartment through Feng Shui, meeting people on the internet through my blogs & social networks, and learning about the 5 Rhythms. Right now I am really into learning more about spirit & finding more Self expression through my body. I believe I can do this through dance. Because what is not a dance? Our whole life is a dance, all of our relationships are a dance, the way the seasons change is a dance, everything is a dance. And those that can ride the ups & downs of life well are the ones that have the most fun! Those that can be in the moment, those that can feel what moves them, those who can hear the music, know that life is a party. A celebration. They are the people who contribute to the lives of others. I want to be one of those people.

I have so much to say about this! But not just yet. Over the summer I took a few workshops on intuition. In these workshops I was able to see how important emotions & imagination are when taping into our power. We live so much of our lives feeling limited. Experiencing our connection to spirit & our higher Self happens so infrequently. Most of us spend too much time thinking & living in the left side of our brains, if we begin to bridge it with the right, we can experience & use more of our capabilities. Some even say that the ‘right-brainers‘ will rule this century. At the moment I’m reading a book called, “The Magic of Believing“. I like it so far. I’m only half way in. Here are a few paragraphs..

Just as the conscious mind is the source of thought, so the subconscious mind is the source of power. Rooted in instinct, it is aware of the individual’s most elemental desires, and it is always pressing upward into conscious existence. It is a repository of spontaneous impressions of men & nature, and a memory vault in which are kept the records of facts and experiences sent down to it from time to time by the conscious mind for the safekeeping and future use. Thus the subconscious mind is not only a mighty storehouse of ever-ready material that can be placed at the disposal of the conscious mind, but also a powerhouse of energy with which the individual can be changed, thus enabling him to recover his strength, courage, and faith in himself. [...]

The subconscious mind is beyond space & time, and  is fundamentally a powerful sending & receiving station with a universal hookup. It can communicate with the physical, mental, psychic, and – according to many investigators – spiritual worlds. In brief, the subconscious embodies the feeling & wisdom of the past, the awareness & knowledge of the present. [...]

The powers of the subconscious mind are many: intuition, emotion, certitude, inspiration, suggestion, deduction, imagination, organization, and of course, memeory & dynamic energy. [...] 

More soon.. This is it for now. -Xo!

Well, I’m still on the fruit train. I still love eating lots of fresh sweet & non-sweet fruits. I wouldn’t say that I’m fruitarian. I still eat plenty of leafy greans & others things. Lately I’ve been trying to curb my bad habit of eating too late. I think eating dinner is also not great for me, even if it’s at 6pm. I have more energy & sleep better when I leave the main meal for lunch time. This month I tried The Clean Program. I really fell short on liquid meals. The goal was to eat a solid lunch, but to keep the breakfast & dinner meals to liquids only. I had juicy fruit for breakfast & nothing for diner on most days. I wasn’t too keen on their idea of having shakes for dinner. I was also too lazy to make the soup & smoothies from the Clean Program recipes. So,.. I will try again & do it right. September 9th is the new start date & I’ll record it on my Fruitaphile blog. I’m hoping that staying commited to the program will ‘zap’ my desire to eat late & will train me to consume all of my calories while the sun is out. I believe it’s healthier & more in tune with our circadian rhythms. I’m still interested in Dr. Douglas Graham approach too. I will be using his books for inspiration during the three weeks as well. I’m looking forward to it. It will be my get ready for autumn cleanse. I’ll be ready to take on the rest of the year with a clean system & an open heart.

This is the post for this Sunday. I will be away, so I posted it a bit early. Have a great Labor Day weekend! Xo!

Lately I’ve had moments of “Am I still working on this? Why?” or “Why do I feel like everything in my life gets shifted around, but nothing really changes?” I wrote a friend of mine an email that touches on the topic.

From: AimeeLovesYou
To: XXXX
Sent: Aug 8, 2009 8:52 AM

I woke up with this feeling that I’m still so behind on everything. Still; not losing weight, not making enough money, not selling (or making) new  artwork, not running regularly, haven’t gone back to see XXXX, haven’t paid off my debt, haven’t re-designed my art studio, haven’t settled on what the  next art career is going to be, etc., etc.. Then I thought, “How fabulous!” This morning I am happy that I have something to work on. I also have lots of love & support. I have a huge cheering crowd that wants me to accomplish everything that is important to me. How cool is that?! Life is exciting when it is unpredictable, risky, challenging & limitless. Having everything ‘all together’ or ‘all wrapped up’ would not be fun. I want to work for my dreams, I want to learn along the way, I want to make ‘mistakes(?)’. It’s all OK. It’s all part of the process, and we are all here for the process. That is living.

Xx..
A.

There is no end. There is no, “Oh my art career is all settled now” or “Wow, my body is in perfect shape, now I can stop eating healthfully & exercising regularly”. There is no end. Things feel like they are shifting around because they are! Life is supposed to be lived in the moment, not in the future. Everything is perfect IF we see it that way. The whole point of my life is to live it fully. To know that it is not mine, that it is a gift & that I have a responsibility to share it with others. My life is about being creative. It’s not about meeting some ideal in my head (or in the media’s programming of us).

I remember working on a project for a client in 2002. The project was a series of sculptures that would take me a year to build. I put a little note on the wall to remind myself of something as I worked. It read; “It will never be finished, it will never be good enough”.  Every time I felt overwhelmed with deadlines, opinions & self-criticism I read that little message on the wall. This afternoon I read something that really clicked with me. It was from John U. Bacon’s book, The Spark. It read, “To me, creativity is first and foremost about courage -a willingness to take risks, to try new things, and to share the experience with others.” Why then would my life need to about about being perfect? Or finished? Or changed? Would it not be more fun to make it about being creative? About being in a state of joy, bliss, self-love & acceptance? Or how about excitement, wonder & enthusiasm? For anyone that is afraid of trying something new or taking risks I definitely think getting over the fear is the fun part. Being afraid to fail, having to try again, or to not see results right away is part of the process. (Brian Tracy has a great interview on YouTube [interview link] about failure & success. Check it out.) Trying again or figuring it out as you go is a good thing. 

If you ever need anyone to cheer you on in your dreams, and in your life being perfect just the way it is, in this moment, I’m here for you. -Xo!

I’m writing today’s post right now. I didn’t get a chance to do it last night. It’s coming soon… Check back tonight!  -Have a Super Sunday. I love you!

Photo of My Brother

August 23rd is my older brother’s birthday. I really love him. He is one of my best friends & without him my life would not be the same. I love him so much & I’m so glad that he is here. Today marks another year that I get to have him in my life. Lucky me.

I love you Bro! Happy Birthday.

This blog post was written in September of 2008.

Interesting how I stumbled upon someone I didn’t know existed this week. Her words and face caught my attention in a Bikram yoga studio dressing room. Someone left a magazine face down on the shelf above mine in the dressing room. While undressing I couldn’t take my eyes off of her words or face. She was beautiful, and next to her face read, “Why walk when you can fly?” Her name was Isha. A day later I looked her up on the Internet. Two things happened. I saw a picture of her retreat center in Uruguay. It looks just like the business I dreamt of for myself. I have had visions of seeing myself in a work place, and this one looks very similar. (Except there is a circular reception desk in my dream, and I don’t see that in her pictures.) Her focus is self-love, that is what she teaches. Hmmm, interesting. In a way that is my focus too. (My focus is love and I believe you experience it when you have unconditional love for yourself first, then that reflects on others & everything around you, leading to no separation, only oneness.) I then wanted to see what she was like, how she sounded, what she talks about exactly. I looked her up on YouTube. [video links 1, 2, & 3]  After five minutes of hearing her I stated to cry. I felt like someone was articulating my feelings better than I can. This is exactly how I felt when I started to study Vedanta with swamis. It was a moment of clarity and pure joy. My life was never the same after that. I was changed forever. After that moment, I had hope, I wanted to live, I wanted to serve. I had found myself in my own words written down thousands of years ago by seers. They could say what I could only feel. That was in 1999. I feel like that again after hearing Isha speak.

Do you know your Chinese zodiac sign? I’m Tiger. I’m also Capricorn. I looked up what the combo means…

Tiger / Capricorn: Anything, just nothing plain normal please. All though they can work hard, even do simple jobs, they want to be first, they want to be special. With their strength and sheer determination they can make it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be political power or material gain they’re after, it is rather projects, records or progress in general what they want to achieve. With all that will and determination they might miss out on the intimate front, they are simply a bit too serious to enjoy the pleasures life can offer. Disrespectful behavior can make them wild. 

Yikes. I hope this is not true. I don’t want to be too serious.

..It might be time to have some fun!

Illustration by Marc Boutavant

Sending everyone LOVE from Chicago!
I’ll write a new post next weekend when I return to New York.
I hope everyone is having a great summer. Enjoy it!
Lots of LOVE. More soon.. Xo…

Well, it’s summer now & it’s time to wrap up the Hot, Raw & RICH! challenge. Like  Therese De Wolf, lots of stuff came up that got in the way. This always happens when someone has plans. The most important thing is to stick it through. It wouldn’t be a challenge if it were easy! The e-mail below sums up where I’m at. It was written mid challenge.

From: AimeeLovesYou
To: XXXX
Subject: Grateful
Date: May 29, 2009 1:35 PM

I’m gratful that I am still here!

I can’t believe it. I stopped working in December 2007! It’s now almost frickin’ summer 2009! Yes I have debt, yes new obstacles (challenges) have come up, yes I’m still behind on things I thought I would be WAY further along on. -BUT! I’m still here god dammit! I’m still following my dreams, I’m still giving it a shot, I’m still moving forward. I have money in the bank, I have support, I have health, I have LOVE, I have friends, what more do I need? I am living proof that things will never be ‘perfect’ but YOU CAN follow your dreams. Who cares what the dreams are, the fun part is following them! I’m grateful that I am still here, still here following my dreams.

Xx..
A.

It truly blows my mind that I have everything I need. I live my life my way and I still live as well as others that live for Friday & spend all of their time working at a job they do not love. It basically means the sun shines on us equally. (No matter what we do.) But does it shine on the inside equally? That part is up to us. Also, what we do with what we are given is very important. It will rain, it will shine, but it’s up to us to make the most of it. -Inside & out. I’m really getting this little by little. It sounds simple, but it’s not. It takes a lot of faith and a greater understanding of the whole.

Here is where I stand on the following;

Work- Daily work on creative projects that are important to me.
I let go of past artworks (literally), past ideas about what it means to be an artist, & past methods of making a living. I got support. Two people are now working with me. This is helping a great deal. I’m always more motivated when I’m working with others. I eliminated one blog (that was in the works) & got more focused. I’m currently purging the last bit of old art studio equipment & making room for the new ideas I have.

Diet- Daily 100% raw vegan meals (mostly 80/10/10 style, lots of fruit and mono-meals) and drinking water as a priority.
I wouldn’t say I have been 100% raw vegan during this challenge. I might say I’ve been 100% -90% of the time. I did eat lots of mono-meals (mostly breakfast, sometimes lunch) & I did make a habit of drinking plenty of water daily. I have been a cleaner eater since starting the HR&R challenge. I’ve learned more about eating fruit & food combining. My system is working much better now. (-like clockwork *wink*) I’ve also met new friends that are fruitarian or 80/10/10 & thriving. I’m grateful for my food blog. It has kept me on track. I can always review the months or weeks past & see what my patterns have been. It’s been a joy for me to record everything I eat & to share it with others. This week I will post where my diet is headed next.

Exercise- Daily vigorous movement, as much as 1-3 hours (in total).
The thread that I started on 30 Bananas-a-Day has helped me with this. There were so many days that I didn’t feel like exercising, but since I had to post daily what I was doing (sometimes announcing it before it was done), I had to do it. Or at least do something. I also teamed up with friends for a park run or a yoga class weekly. This was also very helpful. I am so clear that community & support are the keys to success. I perform much better when I am in the company of others. I am going to continue to post my exercise daily.

Spirit- Daily moments of allowing and flowing.
I’m getting much better at this. I’ve felt so much more peace lately. There was one (or two) weeks were I was emotionally all over the place. But for the most part I’ve been balanced. This summer I am looking into taking a few workshops in Lily Dale, New York. I feel like I need some inspiration & guidance on tuning into spirit. I know there is another level that is at my finger tips. I just can’t reach it yet. But I am working towards it.

Education- I have so many books I am dying to read right now. Most of the books are health related or discuss the creative process.
I did really well with this in the first few months. Last month I didn’t read as much as I wanted to. But now I’m missing it & would like to catch up on my reading. I’m planning a trip to Chicago. I have a feeling I will be doing lots of reading there. I’m very excited about this.

And that all folks. It’s a wrap.

..Of course you know that I am planning another challenge for myself. What would my life be like without them? Not as silly as it is now. -I love it!

“Every choice we make, every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological, environmental, social, personal, and global consequences.” – Anatomy of the Spirit, by Caroline Myss, PH.D.

Thinking about Michael Jackson’s death & life is bringing me closer to my own. I can’t help but think how much he hated himself. The addictions & plastic surgery do not in my opinion come from a place of self-love. I think all of us can relate to addictions & obsessions. Life is really interesting. If unconditional love is our number one priority it could relieve us (& others) of so much suffering. Instead many of us focus on security (romantic relationships, money, homes, pets, career, etc.) and other temporary illusions. I say illusions because they are not permanent, yet we take them so seriously. We put or sense of self in them as if we could own them, or rely on them. You can take love with you wherever you go. You can also take it with you for the rest of your life and maybe beyond. Anything in form (people, money, things) will not last. There is no security in something that will not last. Love can last.

Love for yourself can last. If we cultivate it. If we focused on it as much as we do material things we would be rich! Rich in love. Wow, how wonderful does that sound? Looking at a picture of Michael as a boy & looking at his picture as an adult gives me such respect for him. How beautiful & strong he is in both pictures. Granted, the more recent (artist’s rendition) picture posted in this blog post is a little scary, maybe ‘different’ is a better word. I only say scary because he is so drastically different looking then his natural born self. But it is perfect. Perfect in whatever it needed to be at that time, and it is beautiful. I am working on loving where I am in various stages of my life. It’s hard. Sometimes I look at my old pictures or read my old writing and cringe. Did I look like that? Did I feel like that? Was I doing that? Then I have to own it, love it and say, “Yea, I did, and now I’m doing something else, but I’m still the same person that did that. Gotta love it all.” Who can say that loving yourself is easy? Who can say they don’t hide behind a mask? Who can say they take full responsibility for the way they & their life looks? Not many. So I definitely try not to judge him. I send him my love wherever he is. I thank him for being a reminder & for leaving his art behind for us all to enjoy. I hope to do the same one day.